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Apr. 2nd, 2008

Emo Axl

I Hate him

I hate him, I love him.
I hate him, I love him.
I want to bathe in his blood,
I want to bask in his glow.
I want to rip out his tounge,
I want to taste his sweet lips.
I want to rip off his arms,
I want to embrace him.
I hate him, I love him.
I love him, I love him.

Mar. 21st, 2008

Emo Axl

Fuck that

So I'm posting in protest of this fruity little protest being put on by all the butthurt bitches who can't deal with Ads and make new journals every 2 months. Look, I've had this journal since I was 14 and I don't have ads. "But Spencer, what about those people making new journals?" Fuck um, that's what. Look, this is the internet and ADs are a part of the internet and they are the way LJ makes money. You should feel lucky that there is even a free feature. Unless you feel like paying for your journals all the time you better stop your bitching, which I'm sure only stems from the inability to have an oh so cool and svelte layout. Banner ADs are easy enough to ignore.

Seriously, stupid protest, stupid bitches, get a life.

Mar. 15th, 2008

Emo Axl

Unfortunate

I figure that one day I'll either kill myself or die of an overdose. Maybe someone will kill me and save me the stigma of being the suicidal one, or maybe I'll die in an accident. Maybe an innocent bystander in a drive-by, maybe hit by a car. Either way, I don't expect to live a very long life.

It's tragic really, the way I live. Letting my heart fall in love with those who interest me, and in the end finding that they have no interest in me, were feigning interest to get sex, or even just let drugs or primitive urges get to them. I'm the designated fat friend for my best friend, and when guys I'm interested in meet her they're drug in by her outstanding looks. I'm not resentful, I know she knows it bothers me, and in the end she doesn't like the same type of guys I like. I don't fear her stepping in. I know she's honest and when she lies it isn't for gain it's because she wants to keep people from hurting. She has a pure heart, and this is why she is more important than any easily distracted penis bearer that flits into my life.

At the moment I'm blown away by a man I've been blown away with for 2 years. I sent him poetry, knit him a sweater, and brought him a rose on Valentine's day. Still he insists on being friends. I know he likes me but can't admit it to himself. It's like that cheesy 80's song "I'm the one who wants to be with you, deep inside I know you feel it too." I keep seeing other girls touching him, trying to seduce him, and while I am always tempted to go to them and lay them out(because both of them are psychos) I know that he is un-responsive to that sort of behavior. If expressions of love don't win an intellectual, expressions of primitive lust surely won't.

I gave up on Jimmy long ago. I still love him in my heart of hearts, but he likes crazy girls who will abuse him and make him hurt. A tragic artist must suffer. As his favorite tragic artist says "Life is pain." He invites the pain into himself and in the end it will be his undoing. I will remain, however, to pick up the pieces of his shattered life, because I care about him just that much. He too, is of value because he is truly honest. He is himself. And when he lies, he lies to keep people from hurting or to keep people from hurting him.

Why post about honesty and death? Because I recently had a lecture from a unbelievably irritating grad-student professor that basically had him admitting that he uses underhanded methods to get ahead, and that he is a liar. The man that insists we give him a pledge of our honor has no honor. I hope this man fails and ends up flipping burgers. Even if he doesn't end up flipping burgers I know this much, his later life will be empty. Everything he has worked for, everything he has gained, was without merit. He built people up and climbed up their coat tails to reach the grail and forgot to build himself up. I hate him, and people like him.

It's because of people like him I know that I'll die fairly young, and it will be a tragic quick death. I won't waste away of liver failure, cancer, or some other devastating disease. I'll be shot, or maybe one of my depressions will go so deep that I become delirious and kill myself in a hallucination of being a vampire or an immortal being. In this realization I have discovered that I am truly losing my mind and will most likely never recover.

Unfortunate.

Jul. 29th, 2007

Emo Axl

(no subject)

I took all my clothes off and laid in the grass in the rain last night. It was awesome.

Jul. 25th, 2007

Emo Axl

Lighter Fare

To follow that rather angry post I have a poem I wrote at work while I was waiting for people to come into the shop. I rather like it, although it could use some work maybe. Let me know.

The Obelisk

Over golden waves I drift,
Sun reflecting off the waves,
Refracting,
Into prismatic colors,
That carry me,
Gently,
To golden sand hills,
And dense golden forests,
Swaying,
around an obelisk.
It stands before me,
Vain,
A reddened majestic tower,
Against a pure white sky.
Gingerly,
I lay my hand on its side,
And run around the base,
Searching,
For the spot that will eject its secret.
As I become more flustered I move faster,
Faster,
Begging for the secret within.
It becomes warm beneath my hand,
Hot,
And begins to tremble.
I feel it shudder,
Pulse,
And its secret appears plain,
White clouds in a white sky that rain,
Thickly,
Into my body, filling my wish.
The obelisk crumbles and I walk away,
Sadly,
Leaving for my home land,
Of the red hills where I share the secret,
Truth,
With those who were not able to make the journey.

Jul. 9th, 2007

Emo Axl

LULZ for trolls

http://www.metalsludge.tv/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=119678

A thread I made was thread jacked by some 15 year old trying to troll and she starts to have an e-meltdown around page 4 or 5. I think it's pretty amusing considering I wasn't actually trying to melt her down. SPENCER STILL GOTS IT BABY!

Oh, and don't you hate when fat old men hog the lap lanes at the pool? Fucking assholes.

Jun. 18th, 2007

Emo Axl

(no subject)

My job is lame, every guy I'm interested is pathetic and in love with one of his exes, my boss is ripping me off for a break that I don't get to take, but for some reason I'm fine with it. I figure that I'll get a guy eventually and I'll have a decent job that I don't despise in the end.

The bronchitus sucks bulls balls though.

Jun. 3rd, 2007

Emo Axl

So it's broken, my streak of bad luck and misery

I'm happy because last night a guy I was really nuts about for a while (we were sorta fuck buddies and I got attached) decided to give up on his ex and give me my chance. We aren't going to be serious, but we're "dating". That's better than "just friends" and more legit than "fuck buddies" I think. I like this, I have my foot in the door and have the chance to either fix his broken heart and have a very meaningful relationship or discover that he isn't everything I made him out to be and get over him fully.

Other than that I got drunk last night and had fun with a bunch of new people(including the guy I'm talking about). Life is good(aside from having a weekday job that requires me to get up at 6 in the morning, but at least I get $8 an hour).

I think I'm going to start posting more frequently again.

May. 30th, 2007

Emo Axl

(no subject)

-I'm not dead yet motherfuckers
-I have a job, and yes it blows.
-I'm chasing after a depressed punk with a heart of gold, and he's gorgeous.
-The Nomad is fucking awesome.
-Warriors for innocence can suck my balls http://community.livejournal.com/wtf_inc/4393447.html?nc=47
-I'll start updating more eventually.

May. 20th, 2007

Emo Axl

a song and some bitching

WTF is up with all the guys I ever get interested in? They're always chasing after some chick that dumped them in horrible ways. They fucking seem so in love with these girls who treat them like shit and while they show interest in me they can't bring themselves to let this chicks go. I'm so fucking tired of this bullshit. I just want to lock myself in a room and let myself rot forever. I just hate everyone so much right now it isn't even funny.

Oh, and here's me being emo and posting song lyrics:

"Dont remember where I was
I realized life was a game
The more seriously I took things
The harder the rules became
I had no idea what itd cost
My life passed before my eyes
I found out how little I accomplished
All my plans denied

So as you read this know my friends
Id love to stay with you all
Please smile when you think of me
My bodys gone thats all

A tout le monde
A tout les amis
Je vous aime
Je dois partir
There are the last words
Ill ever speak
And theyll set me free

If my heart was still alive
I know it would surely break
And my memories left with you
Theres nothing more to say

Moving on is a simple thing
What it leaves behind is hard
You know the sleeping feel no more pain
And the living are scarred" -"A Tout Le Monde", Megadeth

Fucking Dave Mustaine.

May. 13th, 2007

Emo Axl

Shit

Fucking hell, I'm turning into a feminist.

Apr. 16th, 2007

Emo Axl

Thats right

I'm 100% cool bitches.

Mojo
Find my LJ Mojo!

Apr. 1st, 2007

Emo Axl

(no subject)

Insert obligitory April Fools joke here.

Mar. 28th, 2007

Emo Axl

Oh noes, Dave Mustaine is LULZ

According to Dave Mustaine, the book of Revelations implies that the U.N will fail and this will bring the second coming. Yeah, Megadeth's Dave Mustaine, and I'm not even fucking with you.

http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com/blabbermouth.net/news.aspx?mode=Article&newsitemID=69483

Are we gonna see him holding a "The end is near" sign onstage now? Only time will tell!

Mar. 22nd, 2007

Emo Axl

(no subject)

For those who missed the new South Park, IT WAS EPIC! Watch the re-run, you won't regret it.

Mar. 20th, 2007

Emo Axl

Guess what?

I buy my underwear at Target and in 6 packs. Fuck Victoria Secret and their lacy special panties which are usually wholly uncomfortable. Viva la cheap cotton panties!

Carry on.

Mar. 9th, 2007

Emo Axl

on religion

Faith can be a beautiful thing, it's just too bad so many psychos fuck it up.

Feb. 20th, 2007

Emo Axl

Wow

I'm suprised at how many people like the idea of eugenics and selective breeding in Badtattoos_4. The decision of forced sterilization with shitty tattoos seems really appealing to them. Seperate out the "stupid" from the "intellegent" and allow only the "intellegent" ones to breed. At the risk of violating Godwin's law: Nazi much? I know it's said in a joking manner, but still its hilarious. Even funnier, the tattoos that they say stupid shit about usually are TOO godawful.

That being said, some of them are ultra bad and that is why I remain in the community.

Feb. 11th, 2007

Emo Axl

I got housing

Yeah bitches, I finally got on campus housing. I sent an e-mail to my new roomate to try to figure out who she is and can only hope that she is awesome and funny. I'm so skurd that she'll be a psycho hose beast. Cross your fingers and hope for me, because I don't think my hope is enough. I am totally teh sex, and a winnar is me! What should I take with me into my new dorm room?

Feb. 8th, 2007

Emo Axl

Dead on arrival

Dude, Anna Nicole Smith is dead. When my mom told me, I actually said "NO WAI!". Randomness.

Is it bad that whne I heard that she was Dead on Arrival, Grim Reaper's song started playing in my head?

RIP I guess.

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