From time to time I like to see the boss/ And with him keep things on level

I Hate him

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 05:35:52 GMT

I hate him, I love him.
I hate him, I love him.
I want to bathe in his blood,
I want to bask in his glow.
I want to rip out his tounge,
I want to taste his sweet lips.
I want to rip off his arms,
I want to embrace him.
I hate him, I love him.
I love him, I love him.

Fuck that

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:09:42 GMT

So I'm posting in protest of this fruity little protest being put on by all the butthurt bitches who can't deal with Ads and make new journals every 2 months. Look, I've had this journal since I was 14 and I don't have ads. "But Spencer, what about those people making new journals?" Fuck um, that's what. Look, this is the internet and ADs are a part of the internet and they are the way LJ makes money. You should feel lucky that there is even a free feature. Unless you feel like paying for your journals all the time you better stop your bitching, which I'm sure only stems from the inability to have an oh so cool and svelte layout. Banner ADs are easy enough to ignore.

Seriously, stupid protest, stupid bitches, get a life.

Unfortunate

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 05:46:54 GMT

I figure that one day I'll either kill myself or die of an overdose. Maybe someone will kill me and save me the stigma of being the suicidal one, or maybe I'll die in an accident. Maybe an innocent bystander in a drive-by, maybe hit by a car. Either way, I don't expect to live a very long life.

It's tragic really, the way I live. Letting my heart fall in love with those who interest me, and in the end finding that they have no interest in me, were feigning interest to get sex, or even just let drugs or primitive urges get to them. I'm the designated fat friend for my best friend, and when guys I'm interested in meet her they're drug in by her outstanding looks. I'm not resentful, I know she knows it bothers me, and in the end she doesn't like the same type of guys I like. I don't fear her stepping in. I know she's honest and when she lies it isn't for gain it's because she wants to keep people from hurting. She has a pure heart, and this is why she is more important than any easily distracted penis bearer that flits into my life.

At the moment I'm blown away by a man I've been blown away with for 2 years. I sent him poetry, knit him a sweater, and brought him a rose on Valentine's day. Still he insists on being friends. I know he likes me but can't admit it to himself. It's like that cheesy 80's song "I'm the one who wants to be with you, deep inside I know you feel it too." I keep seeing other girls touching him, trying to seduce him, and while I am always tempted to go to them and lay them out(because both of them are psychos) I know that he is un-responsive to that sort of behavior. If expressions of love don't win an intellectual, expressions of primitive lust surely won't.

I gave up on Jimmy long ago. I still love him in my heart of hearts, but he likes crazy girls who will abuse him and make him hurt. A tragic artist must suffer. As his favorite tragic artist says "Life is pain." He invites the pain into himself and in the end it will be his undoing. I will remain, however, to pick up the pieces of his shattered life, because I care about him just that much. He too, is of value because he is truly honest. He is himself. And when he lies, he lies to keep people from hurting or to keep people from hurting him.

Why post about honesty and death? Because I recently had a lecture from a unbelievably irritating grad-student professor that basically had him admitting that he uses underhanded methods to get ahead, and that he is a liar. The man that insists we give him a pledge of our honor has no honor. I hope this man fails and ends up flipping burgers. Even if he doesn't end up flipping burgers I know this much, his later life will be empty. Everything he has worked for, everything he has gained, was without merit. He built people up and climbed up their coat tails to reach the grail and forgot to build himself up. I hate him, and people like him.

It's because of people like him I know that I'll die fairly young, and it will be a tragic quick death. I won't waste away of liver failure, cancer, or some other devastating disease. I'll be shot, or maybe one of my depressions will go so deep that I become delirious and kill myself in a hallucination of being a vampire or an immortal being. In this realization I have discovered that I am truly losing my mind and will most likely never recover.

Unfortunate.

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 23:12:34 GMT

I took all my clothes off and laid in the grass in the rain last night. It was awesome.

Lighter Fare

Wed, 25 Jul 2007 20:58:29 GMT

To follow that rather angry post I have a poem I wrote at work while I was waiting for people to come into the shop. I rather like it, although it could use some work maybe. Let me know.

The Obelisk

Over golden waves I drift,
Sun reflecting off the waves,
Refracting,
Into prismatic colors,
That carry me,
Gently,
To golden sand hills,
And dense golden forests,
Swaying,
around an obelisk.
It stands before me,
Vain,
A reddened majestic tower,
Against a pure white sky.
Gingerly,
I lay my hand on its side,
And run around the base,
Searching,
For the spot that will eject its secret.
As I become more flustered I move faster,
Faster,
Begging for the secret within.
It becomes warm beneath my hand,
Hot,
And begins to tremble.
I feel it shudder,
Pulse,
And its secret appears plain,
White clouds in a white sky that rain,
Thickly,
Into my body, filling my wish.
The obelisk crumbles and I walk away,
Sadly,
Leaving for my home land,
Of the red hills where I share the secret,
Truth,
With those who were not able to make the journey.

LULZ for trolls

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 03:16:02 GMT

http://www.metalsludge.tv/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=119678

A thread I made was thread jacked by some 15 year old trying to troll and she starts to have an e-meltdown around page 4 or 5. I think it's pretty amusing considering I wasn't actually trying to melt her down. SPENCER STILL GOTS IT BABY!

Oh, and don't you hate when fat old men hog the lap lanes at the pool? Fucking assholes.

Tue, 19 Jun 2007 02:36:32 GMT

My job is lame, every guy I'm interested is pathetic and in love with one of his exes, my boss is ripping me off for a break that I don't get to take, but for some reason I'm fine with it. I figure that I'll get a guy eventually and I'll have a decent job that I don't despise in the end.

The bronchitus sucks bulls balls though.

So it's broken, my streak of bad luck and misery

Sun, 03 Jun 2007 05:39:38 GMT

I'm happy because last night a guy I was really nuts about for a while (we were sorta fuck buddies and I got attached) decided to give up on his ex and give me my chance. We aren't going to be serious, but we're "dating". That's better than "just friends" and more legit than "fuck buddies" I think. I like this, I have my foot in the door and have the chance to either fix his broken heart and have a very meaningful relationship or discover that he isn't everything I made him out to be and get over him fully.

Other than that I got drunk last night and had fun with a bunch of new people(including the guy I'm talking about). Life is good(aside from having a weekday job that requires me to get up at 6 in the morning, but at least I get $8 an hour).

I think I'm going to start posting more frequently again.

Wed, 30 May 2007 23:21:05 GMT

-I'm not dead yet motherfuckers
-I have a job, and yes it blows.
-I'm chasing after a depressed punk with a heart of gold, and he's gorgeous.
-The Nomad is fucking awesome.
-Warriors for innocence can suck my balls http://community.livejournal.com/wtf_inc/4393447.html?nc=47
-I'll start updating more eventually.

a song and some bitching

Sun, 20 May 2007 06:15:38 GMT

WTF is up with all the guys I ever get interested in? They're always chasing after some chick that dumped them in horrible ways. They fucking seem so in love with these girls who treat them like shit and while they show interest in me they can't bring themselves to let this chicks go. I'm so fucking tired of this bullshit. I just want to lock myself in a room and let myself rot forever. I just hate everyone so much right now it isn't even funny.

Oh, and here's me being emo and posting song lyrics:

"Dont remember where I was
I realized life was a game
The more seriously I took things
The harder the rules became
I had no idea what itd cost
My life passed before my eyes
I found out how little I accomplished
All my plans denied

So as you read this know my friends
Id love to stay with you all
Please smile when you think of me
My bodys gone thats all

A tout le monde
A tout les amis
Je vous aime
Je dois partir
There are the last words
Ill ever speak
And theyll set me free

If my heart was still alive
I know it would surely break
And my memories left with you
Theres nothing more to say

Moving on is a simple thing
What it leaves behind is hard
You know the sleeping feel no more pain
And the living are scarred" -"A Tout Le Monde", Megadeth

Fucking Dave Mustaine.

Shit

Mon, 14 May 2007 02:40:26 GMT

Fucking hell, I'm turning into a feminist.

Thats right

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 12:37:14 GMT

I'm 100% cool bitches.

Find my LJ Mojo!

Sun, 01 Apr 2007 16:17:52 GMT

Insert obligitory April Fools joke here.

Oh noes, Dave Mustaine is LULZ

Wed, 28 Mar 2007 15:52:57 GMT

According to Dave Mustaine, the book of Revelations implies that the U.N will fail and this will bring the second coming. Yeah, Megadeth's Dave Mustaine, and I'm not even fucking with you.

http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com/blabbermouth.net/news.aspx?mode=Article&newsitemID=69483

Are we gonna see him holding a "The end is near" sign onstage now? Only time will tell!

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 05:15:08 GMT

For those who missed the new South Park, IT WAS EPIC! Watch the re-run, you won't regret it.

Guess what?

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 21:35:33 GMT

I buy my underwear at Target and in 6 packs. Fuck Victoria Secret and their lacy special panties which are usually wholly uncomfortable. Viva la cheap cotton panties!

Carry on.

on religion

Sat, 10 Mar 2007 02:51:08 GMT

Faith can be a beautiful thing, it's just too bad so many psychos fuck it up.

Wow

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 15:47:50 GMT

I'm suprised at how many people like the idea of eugenics and selective breeding in Badtattoos_4. The decision of forced sterilization with shitty tattoos seems really appealing to them. Seperate out the "stupid" from the "intellegent" and allow only the "intellegent" ones to breed. At the risk of violating Godwin's law: Nazi much? I know it's said in a joking manner, but still its hilarious. Even funnier, the tattoos that they say stupid shit about usually are TOO godawful.

That being said, some of them are ultra bad and that is why I remain in the community.

I got housing

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 15:17:43 GMT

Yeah bitches, I finally got on campus housing. I sent an e-mail to my new roomate to try to figure out who she is and can only hope that she is awesome and funny. I'm so skurd that she'll be a psycho hose beast. Cross your fingers and hope for me, because I don't think my hope is enough. I am totally teh sex, and a winnar is me! What should I take with me into my new dorm room?

Dead on arrival

Thu, 08 Feb 2007 22:41:29 GMT

Dude, Anna Nicole Smith is dead. When my mom told me, I actually said "NO WAI!". Randomness.

Is it bad that whne I heard that she was Dead on Arrival, Grim Reaper's song started playing in my head?

RIP I guess.

Fucking people stealing my name

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 16:45:01 GMT

Ok, so some bitch on Full Tilt poker has apparently stolen my fucking name. Little piss-ant wants to pretend he's me. Anyone who is part of Full Tilt, this is not me and will you please tell that fucker to register a different fucking name. Name stealing is NOT COOL!

On the off chance that his name really is Spencer Mato, or that he's never ever seen this journal, I can forgive, but if that little fucker is reading this, get fucking bent!

In the good news: I'm in UMD and I've never felt better. Now if only 94 people get booted or leave campus, I'll get housing. So people on campus, encourage people to leave so I can join you and effectively take over the world, MWHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!

And in weirdness: I've developed a Slash fetish(the guitarist, although I do like GNR fanfic(say what you want, likely mansex is hot!)), which is kinda strange to me because he has a kinda goofy face when he pulls his hair back. I think it came from a comment on Slash's bed being caramel heaven(we were at Friendly's) and now I'd totally hit it.

Whatever. If you just read all that, I apologize.

My Infection Tattoo

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 04:53:52 GMT

I fucking love it. This was taken directly after, thus the scabby, bloody nastiness. I got it touched up last night, thus it looks different now. I also got Lars from the manga "Bastard!!" last night as well. He is fucking adorable.

My tattoos are way cooler than yours. :P

Still here.

Sat, 18 Nov 2006 18:23:41 GMT

I'm alive, promise.

-I'm busy with college (Which has an art class that I'm involved in that requires copious amounts of sewing/turning me into a gramma) and shit.

-I have a new boyfriend who looks like River Phoenix and says I'm better looking than Angelina Jolie (As if).

-I have begun smoking more than I ever intended. Marlboro Reds, the cowboy killers. Yes, I chain smoke them and yes I love the way they taste.

-I'm contemplating becoming a piercer.

-I will be getting a tattoo soon, and it'll be way cooler than anything that you could ever get. :P

-I missed the GNR concert and I fucking hate myself for it. Damn ticket master and Damn fucking ticket prices.

-I'm waiting on Chinese Democracy. It is supposed to come out by the end of this year. I believe Axl, but if he fails I will never defend his psycho ass again. The single, supposedly, is coming out tomorrow and will be "Better", which was one of the leaks and totally kicked ass. It is being used in a Harley Davidson commercial that will be aired tomorrow during Nascar. Check it out here.

-I miss Stan and Rice.

-Slash is my guitar hero, and I still believe that he is Axl's better half(gay or just best friends). They will reconcile, even if it's when Axl/Slash is on his death bed. Preferably before I die so I can see them play together.

-Fuck Lars Ulrich.

-Paul Stanley is gay, for reals. His stage banter is also some of the cheesiest and lamest I've ever heard. But I heard he likes to "Live to Win", so whatever.

-I love gin, cause it tastes like chris'mas.

Ok, yeah, thats it I think. No really crazy stories to write about. I don't have enough time to be a juvenile delinquent with all this school shit.

Sometimes I wonder . . .

Sun, 20 Aug 2006 22:54:20 GMT

Should you cook breakfast for a man the morning after he rapes you?

Do niggers have X-Ray vision, or are they demons?

Is cocaine good for you?

How long can cum stay fresh and good for eating?

Would Eminem let me see his bare ass cheeks?

Where can I meet fairies?

and so many other questions go unanswered.

Weekend web: AOL logs ia so fucking hilarious I could die.

Oh, and I'm alive, hello!

November Rain is about Axl being gay for Slash

Sat, 08 Jul 2006 00:28:45 GMT

My internet has been down all day, and Metal Sludge has been suspended(WTF?! I bet Sebitchian Bach has something to do with this. Cocksucker.) So I've has some spare time. Here is my in depth analysis of "November Rain" and how it is all about Axl's forbidden love for Slash. Or, as the thread would be titled of the dearly departed Metal Sludge "November Rain, as explained by me".

*******************************************************************************************

After much consideration, I have come to the conclusion that it isn't completely unlikely that Axl Rose is a closet case. Possibly only gay for Slash, but still he has some kind of underlying gayness there. I say this only because my mind has been influenced by pictures I've seen (drawn and real) and those damn fanfics I've read.

The worst thing about this whole scenario is that the consideration was completely brought on by the lyrics of "November Rain". I bet you are thinking "But Spencer, Axl wrote that song about Stephanie Seymour", it's possible, but I doubt it.

The first line, as anyone who listens to Guns N Roses or watched MTV when it still played music videos is "When I look into your eyes, I can see a love restrained". So right here the Stephanie theory is blown to pieces. Why would she restrain her love if they were married? She wouldn't. It speaks of a secret lover, someone who looks at him with loving eyes, and holds themself back for some reason, perhaps that the lover thinks Axl would be mad if he knew.

The next line is, "But darling when I hold you, don't you know I feel the same?". Axl is restraining his love as well, but is trying to let the person who loves him know that he feels the same way, regardless of what he says. This of course is verified by the pictures of them embracing, my favorite being the one where Axl is actually between Slash and his guitar. They've held each other, and it always seems to me that there is something more there.

Then comes "Nothing lasts forever, and we both know hearts can change" Axl is scared, because he has always been labeled as a homophobic prick, and feels he will lose his badass edge if he reveals their love. He thinks it might be a passing thing, and wouldn't want to be labeled a fag if he only could love this one guy.

Then we have "And it's hard to hold a candle in the cold November rain". He feels that maybe if he did tell the world, or went out about their relationship the love would die because of the sudden hail of hatred they'd receive.

"Been through this such a long long time, just trying to kill the pain" He's felt that way for years, and has gone through this uncertainty forever. He tries to push it away with women and drugs, yet he can't. He has to come clean about his love for Slash.

"Love is always coming, love is always going, no one is really sure who'd let it go today, walking away", People change their minds all the time. If I go through and do this, then what if you turn your back and walk out. I'm still unsure of how much you REALLY love me.

"Now I've took the time to lay it on the line, I could rest my head just knowing that you were mine" I've told you now, and even though I was uncertain, if you love me and want me too, then I'll finally be content and be able to live without pain.

"So if you wanna love me, darling don't refrain" Don't stop yourself, I'd be absolutely delighted.

"Or I'll just end up walking in the cold November rain" Or I'll break down and cry and be completely shattered because now my best friend thinks I'm a complete fag and I'll be alone cause shit will just be awkward as fuck between us.

"Do you need some time, on your own" and the whole bridge. Just the basic question of, "Would you like a little time to think about this?", just saying, don't make rash decisions. Make sure this is what you want. Also perhaps a "Take some time away from me, then see if you still love me". Maybe work tension has got them lusting after each other.

"I know it's hard to keep an open heart. When even friends seem out to harm you" I know you distrust me, cause I've been a right dick to you for the past couple years. I never meant to hurt you, I was just scared and wanted to piss you off to the point where you didn't have that look of love in your eyes. But now I can't keep it in and I have to tell you.

"But if you can heal a broken heart, wouldn't time be out to charm you?" You've healed thos wounds I've inflicted over the years, couldn't I, in time, make you completely trust me and how much I love you?

The solo is something of Slash thinking, considering, making his final decision. He says yes.

"Sometimes I need some time, on my own" Give me a minute to consider this. Let me go away for a while to make sure before we both dive head first into something that could ruin us and the band.

Another Slash solo, him watching Axl, praying, hoping that he says yes.

"And when your fear subsides, and shadows still remain" Axl is WAY unsure about this, and he's telling Slash that when his homophobia relaxes itself, and only shadows of it still hang around "I know that you can love me, when theres no one left to blame" I know you'll still love me, even if it takes to the end of time.

"So never mind the darkness, we still can find a way" Axl changed his mind, he can't go through with this just yet. Slash is upset, reasonably so, and again he is hurt. Axl is just telling him that even though we can't be "out" about this, we can still be in love.

"Nothing lasts forever, even cold November rain" My fear can't last forever, I'll be sure of this eventually and then we'll be together fully.

Then we get that whole angsty Slash solo and the "Don't you need somebody" part of the song. Perhaps these are Slash's internal voices letting out their rage about how Axl dares to say that he should wait for him after he has already waited for him all this time. He could find someone else easily.But of course, the rage subsides and fades into the cold November rain.

Holy shit, I can't believe I wrote that whole thing out. I'm really obsessed aren't I? Think Axl will find it and sue? Only time will tell.